Lesson Zero Could've Gone Different
by HappyBlushCalayapie
Summary: Before scaring the crap out of the Cutie Mark Crusaders with her freaky face, Twilight Sparkle invites Rainbow Dash and Pinkie over to read Cupcakes.


Title: Lesson Zero Could've Gone Different….  
Cartoon: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

"If I can't _find_ a friendship problem… I'll MAKE a friendship problem!"

~~~Several minutes of preparation later~~~

"Okay, good! Good, good, good, good, good!" Twilight ran out of the library to bring Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash over. If this didn't work _nothing_ would.

~~~10 minutes later~~~

Back in the library, Twilight spoke to Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie.

"Alright, I have a challenge for you two!" she said, looking kind of crazy. Ignoring how crazy she looked, Rainbow Dash said,

"Challenge accepted!" without even know what she was going to say.

"Try sticking together after reading THIS from start to finish!" she levitated a book over to the two of them.

"Oh, great." Dash groaned. "A book, Twilight? A _book_?" Twilight nodded.

"A book."

"Oh, goody! It's a Don't Laugh challenge, isn't it! YAY!" Pinkie said, bouncing around the room excitedly. "I love games like this!"

"NO!" Twilight's shout made Pinkie stop. "Read the book, already! I'm. Running. Out. Of. TIME!" her eye twitched. She gave them a lamp and shoved them in a dark room. She plugged it in, and went to the door. "Read it in the dark. Tell me what you think later!" she smirked. This had to work! She'd send a letter to the Princess about how friends should always stick together no matter what! Even if this was a low-blow and immature, it was well worth it.

"Alright, page one." Rainbow Dash said, rolling her eyes and opening the book with her hoof. After reading to the bottom of the second paragraph, Pinkie said,

"Aww, Dashie, you're so nice!"

"Pssh. Lame. When's it gonna get _good_? Twilight made it out as though this book were the end of the world! Is the world ending, yet? Nope!"

By the sixth paragraph, Rainbow smirked a little bit.

"Dash? Why do you figure it's saying that you got freaked out?"

"Foreshadowing. I can already see where this is going."

"Ooh! This story's about us, isn't it?" Dash stopped reading to look at Pinkie.

"Really, Pinkie? _Naww…_"

In the eighth paragraph, Pinkie Pie said,

"Ooh! I love cupcakes! They're sweet, tasty, and make me soo very happy!" Rainbow Dash said nothing, reading ahead.

Pinkie Pie was puzzled as they read on.

"Dash, why'd I say you were gonna take a nap?" her friend kept reading, ignoring her question.

As they read on, Rainbow Dash said,

"Wonder how bad it'll get…" she wasn't in the least bit startled. She could already see where it was going from the beginning of the story.

"'_You, silly_'? Rainbow Dash, she's joking, right?"

"You _do_ realize that you're referring to the Pinkie in this story as 'she', right? Sounds weird coming from you…"

"Sharp… medical tools?"

"Don't look so freaked out already, Pink. It's just getting started!"

"Do you know what happens?"

"Watch me be dead by the end of this. Just watch."

They read on.

"How'd you know?"

"I could tell. Sharp objects, captivity, dark room, creepiness… yeah. I could tell."

A few minutes later, Pinkie interrupted again as they read the long paragraph describing the room.

"Whoever wrote this needs to capitalize the 'P' in that banner. It looks weird!"

"Pinkie Pie, I thought _you_ were the concerned one, here."

"I'd be worried if you were or if I were alone. I'll be fine."

"You look a little spooked to me…"

Thinking about the balloons, Pinkie made a face and asked,

"Do you think I put my mouth on those to blow them up?"

"Ew, Pinkie! Don't give me that nasty image!"

They continued to read.

"Emblazoned is a funny word. I like it!" Pinkie said gleefully. Irritated with all of the interruptions from the party pony, Rainbow Dash replied with,

"Your face is a funny word!"

"My face _is_ a funny word! Thanks for noticing!" she replied happily. Dash stared at her for a few seconds and then facehoofed.

"Cutie mark dress. Think you could ever make somethin' like that?" Rainbow asked.

"Probably not. I leave the dress making to Rarity when I need a dress. I don't normally wear clothes, so…"

"Ha! They need to make a version of this called 'Dresses' and use Rarity!"

"We've barely read two pages of this…"

"We're on page three, smart one."

"Oh, yeah!"

They read on.

"So, Gilda, huh? She may have been really stuck up and rude that day, but killing her is kind of—"

"Ruder?"

"Yeah…"

"What do you figure getting rid of your cutie mark is for?"

Dash only shrugged in reply, continuing to read ahead.

"Ugh, bad puns…"

"Your face is a bad pun!" Pinkie said.

"Hey! My face isn't a bad pun!"

Outside the door, Twilight could hear that outburst and believed that her plan was working.

"They must be scared witless! Oh, how wonderful!"

"Almost a whole page of wing removal. Filler, or effect?" Pinkie asked.

"Probably affect. I've seen worse in real life before, though."

A few seconds later…

"Oh, come on! Why'd the author make me do _that_? And than I _black __**out**_?"

"Calm down, Rainbow Dash! Um…" not knowing how to make her feel much better due to that embarrassing scene, Pinkie stayed quiet. They went back to the sentence they were at.

"Mucus-caked nostrils? Yuck…"

"Um, Rainbow Da—"

"And then you ask me if you have to _baby_ me? _Please_… After that episode before, EVERYPONY would call me a baby!"

"DASH, IT'S JUST A STORY!" Pinkie Pie yelled. She gasped for a few seconds, and Rainbow Dash just stared.

"…'Kay, then…."

About a minute of reading later, they both made a sickened face.

"You know that thing you complained about? That wasn't as gross as this."

"That didn't even _compare_ to what you just put in your mouth…"

They read into the long, drawn-out nail scene.

"Ouch." Dash said.

"Live parasprite? Wow…" Pinkie said, shivering a little bit.

By the end of that scene, Rainbow complained.

"Why'd I have to do it _again_?"

Pinkie shrugged.

"Soo… if I had that needle all along to take the pain away, why didn't I do it sooner?"

"I dunno. Seems like a hole in the plot."

A little while later…

"Aw, it's kind of sad!"

"Yeah… but, you know… I won't cry or anything…"

Rainbow Dash read ahead.

"Ugh, that's _disgusting_, Pinkie Pie!"

"What? I'd _never_ floss with something like that! Man… reading this makes my tummy hurt…"

"Ha! You found my cupcake."

"Don't you think you should have already digested that by then?"

"You'd think that, but maybe I was using too much energy crying and trying to stay alive."

"Hmm. Makes sense."

"And so by the end of this you decided to make me into an object of taxidermy. Lame." Rainbow Dash closed the book. She turned the lamp off and the two ponies left the room. They both yelped when they saw Twilight's disturbing face when they left the room. She looked as though she had been standing outside the door the whole time, leaning forward and listening.

"Um… we're done reading, Twilight. Can we go now?" Pinkie Pie asked with a nervous smile.

"Yeah… you're starting to creep us out." Dash said, just as nervously.

"Soo, giiirls… have fun reading? Any problems with your friendship?" she used her magic to appear behind them and sling her arms over their shoulders. They cried out in surprise. "Anything I can do to help? Psychiatric treatment and/or therapy?"

"Uh… Twilight? Yeah, I think _you_ might need the mental help. Not us." Rainbow said.

"_Huh_? But, but what about the fear? What about friend troubles? WHAT ABOUT _ME_?"

Despite the grossness and slight creeped out feeling they had gotten from the story, Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash continued to be friends. Twilight's plan had failed, and she went on to try and "help" somepony else.

THE END


End file.
